Another Dream-Vs-Reality Post

When I’m still in my pajamas at 6pm, crying because Jason is going out for a beer with the guys and I am invited but I don’t want to go because it’s too close to bedtime and the baby will be screamy plus, as mentioned above, I am still in my pajamas, Jason is inclined to point out that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mother, it was my dream.  So he is reasonably confused about why I begin to pluck my hair out one strand at a time if I don’t at least get out to the grocery store in the course of the day.  And I know I am incredibly lucky to be home with Hazel for this year.

But.  Here is how I imagined I would be as a SAHM:

I would wake up and have coffee before the baby woke.  I would take a shower as she played nearby in a bouncy seat or exersaucer.  After we had some educational fun together, she would take a 2-hour nap and I would clean up the house and do some laundry.  Then, looking skinny and well put together, I would head out to meet some other moms at the coffee shop – moms who were cute but not hotter than I.  In warm weather, we would meet at the park.  After our play date, I would head home with my sleepy baby for her afternoon nap.  Which would be 2 hours long, so I could cook a healthy dinner and make some organic baby food from scratch.  She would be in bed by 7, leaving me a pleasant three hours to relax with my husband.

Here is the problem with that scenario:

– The baby wakes up when I do.  Because she is in bed with me nursing.

– Her tolerance for independent play is about 10 minutes – not long enough to take a shower AND get dressed.

– I have not sung her the ABCs, nor do I point out her nose and eyes, nor do I speak to her in a second language.  Because I spend most of my day trying to get her interested in something for 10 minutes so I can make myself something to eat or go to the bathroom.

– Her naps are about 30 minutes.  Maybe.  And often only if she has company.

– During my 30 minutes of occasional free time, I am not inspired to whip out the vacuum.  I am usually trying to take a shower.

– I WASN’T A HOT, SKINNY CHICK WITH A STYLISH HAIRDO AND MAKEUP AND CUTE OUTFITS BEFORE I HAD A CHILD SO WHY THE HELL DID I THINK HAVING AN INFANT WOULD TURN ME INTO ONE???  This aspect of my imagined life as a stay at home mother never changed.  And it is the most unreasonable one.

– I don’t actually know other moms who are at home during the day.  Well, I know one, but I don’t know, she seems to have her act together, so I’m always a little ashamed when she sees what a wreck I am.

– To get to coffee shop or park, I would have to leave my house.

– Afternoon nap? 30 minutes, tops.  Or none.

– Run a blender, bang pots and pans, make any noise at all when the baby has FINALLY gone to sleep?  Not likely.  Cook your own damn dinner.

– She is in bed by 7.  And up at 8.  And 10.  And 10:30.  And then she’s in bed with me.

– Oh, and I don’t even drink coffee anymore, so go figure why that appears in my fantasy, not once but twice.  Well, that’s probably BECAUSE I don’t drink coffee anymore.

So, any way, that’s a long introduction to say that, basically, I need to get out more.  Today I’m going to the free children’s music show at the bookstore, and I am renewing my vow to attend the library story hour once a week.

Even if I have to go in my pajamas.

“Yes, I am very engaged in eating my blocks. But if you step away for even a second, I will begin to scream and will not be consoled for at least an hour. Your choice, lady.”