To My Mouse…

2 12 2011

Well, sweetie, we’ve been together for almost three months now.  You amaze me every day.  Yesterday?  You were this little blob in my arms who only looked at my boob and didn’t do much besides eat and poop, often in your sleep, and I thought I loved you as much as I could love another human.  Then you learned to look at my face, and you started to smile, and I realized that I had never known how much love can grow overnight.

Because you are becoming… YOU.

I thought I would miss the time when you were a part of me, those nine months you spent growing inside of me and your first weeks in this world, when you were just… a baby.  My baby, no doubt, and precious and cute, but with so much of who you would become still a total mystery.  You were still made up of hopes and dreams and maybes.

Now, though, you are definitely becoming your own little person, and what can I say except it is so cool.

You are learning new things and new skills and every one of them impresses me. I DON’T CARE IF TRILLIONS OF BABIES HAVE GRABBED TOYS BEFORE, you are MY baby, and I am pretty damn proud when your chubby little fingers catch something and bring it to your mouth.  You might be the first kid to ever hold its head up; probably not, but to me, you are.  At least, the first kid who counts.

What is the most stunning to me is that you’ve begun to babble.

Yes, I just referred to my baby’s nonsense noise-making as stunning.

When you start to talk, I need to drop everything and listen.  I didn’t expect this to be so amazing, and I can’t put into words why it makes my heart nearly explode and my face crack from smiling, but there you have it.  I could listen to you all day long, but when I stop talking to listen, you seem to think you should stop, too.  So I sort of eavesdrop on you.  I started calling you little mouse because you would make little squeaks and eaks, but now you have a whole range of sounds and each one is worth hearing to me.

You are a morning girl.  I love it when you wake up.  We have been struggling so hard to fix your pain and discomfort from the reflux, but when you first greet the morning, it is always with a smile.  Within an hour or so, you get some horrible burps or the hiccups and your smile starts to falter, then you look to me for help, and when I can’t fix it, you begin to cry, and, little mouse, it breaks my heart.  But it doesn’t matter as much to you; the next morning, you are ready for the world with another smile.  You sit in our bed and laugh at my yawns, at Daddy’s snores, at your diaper change, at your feet.  You stare at the windows, at the polka dot sheets, at the ceiling fan.

Our nursing time together has become even more important to me now that you look at my face while you drink.  You still sniff and snuffle any time you are near my chest, and I love that I am providing you with everything you need right now.  I’m looking forward to introducing you to all the tastes and textures of food, but this time when you are just a milk-baby is so short, I am treasuring every moment of it.  I feel so lucky that with all the issues of reflux you still enjoy nursing as much as I do.

This will be our first Christmas together.  I can’t breathe when I think about it, THAT’S how excited I am for holidays with you.  I realize that you won’t be opening your presents this year, and in fact, you have already seen all your presents, since you were with me when I bought them.  But Christmas morning is still something I am looking forward to.  I can’t believe that we didn’t yet know you were a little embryo last Christmas, and this Christmas YOU ARE YOU!

Little Mouse, every day you are a wonder to me.

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