Grrrr… I Mean, GERD

1 12 2011

GERD.  Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease.  It really sucks for me, and I’m not the one who has it.  Hazel does, and it makes for a pretty miserable baby sometimes.  In fact, I think she would take a broken collar bone over the reflux.  She’s such a trooper.  But we just haven’t gotten a handle on this, despite my month of diary- and soy-free diet, two weeks of gluten-free eating, and two different meds for her.  Mostly she does okay, just as long as I, you know, hold her constantly AND DON’T SIT DOWN.  And pass her off to dad or grandma?  NO THANK YOU.

I will admit, it’s totally changed my pre-baby conceptions about how I was going to parent.  For example:

Pre-Baby Thoughts on Blogging: I will have so much time to update my blog!

Post-Baby: A shower would be nice.  Or doing some laundry.  Or doing anything besides frantically pacing the house with a screaming baby who will only nap if I am simultaneously walking and nursing her.

Pre-Baby Thoughts on Pacifiers: Oh, sure, SOME babies need them, but I don’t want to use them.

Post-Baby: Yeah, I own twelve, because we have to try different brands, and they only sell them in packs of two.  She doesn’t like ANY of them, but Jason and I spend hours each day trying to convince her they are cool.

Pre-Baby Thoughts on Carseats: Carseats are for cars.  Not for toting babies around.

Post-Baby: Please don’t wake up right now.  Please.  I WILL CARRY THE HUNDRED-POUND CARSEAT AROUND IF YOU WILL JUST SLEEP THROUGH THIS STORE.  Because nursing doesn’t always work with a reflux baby, but she wants to try constantly, which means my nipple is pretty much always hanging out while my baby screams to draw attention to it.  Cold weather has also contributed to this one: ever put a sleeping baby in 20-degree carseat without inciting screams of torture?  Didn’t think so.  We’ll keep the carseat warm, thank you very much.

Pre-Baby Thoughts on Cribs: Having a crib two and a half feet away is great!

Post Baby: Well, the cat can be nice and close when HE sleeps in the crib.  Meanwhile, the baby is in our bed.  Asleep.  F* the crib.  I’m tired.

Pre-Baby Thoughts on Dignity: I will retain it.

Post-Baby: I gave Hazel some of her medicine, and she immediately began drooling.  Without much thought, I swiped at the drool and tasted it to see if she had spit out the meds.  That’s right.  I ATE MY BABY’S DROOL.




2 responses

1 12 2011

Ha ha ha. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh. It’s just that I could have written this post (you know, if I was a great writer and all) – every last point.

1 12 2011

This to shall pass You and her will be fine.

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