Not the Kind You Get At a Sex Shop

3 08 2011

We’ve had an amazing baby shower, one of those times when you are just blown away by the kindness and love of friends and family.  Our piles of gear, clothing, diapers, and toys have grown to monstrous proportions – alarmingly large enough to motivate even Jason to begin shipping boxes off to the Goodwill.  Half of my childhood collectibles can now be found on ebay.

And yet.

I found myself with a long list of supplies we still need.  Nothing so cute as a newborn onsie, but all that practical crap that I will regret if I don’t buy now.

Like those absorbent pads to shove in my bra to soak up leaking breast milk.  And nipple cream.  Yes, nipple cream, but not the kind you get at a place with a name like The Pink Pussycat.

Still, the fact that my shopping list included “nipple cream” was enough to keep me smirking through most of my trip to the store.  I was, however, somewhat chagrined that my list also included “large granny panties.”  I’ve been making do with my pre-pregnancy underwear; the fact that maternity pants have elastic waists make it fairly easy to yank your panties back to half-mast every five minutes.  But as my due date approaches, it occurred to me that my butt won’t immediately shrink back to it’s previous size, and it will be harder to fuss with my underpants when I have a demon chewing on my nipples.

Also, I apparently need underwear that can support the next item on my list, Super Extra Triple Absorbent  Maxi Pads.  Because instead of the 9 month reprieve I thought I was getting from my period, it turns out I am just going to bleed all 9 months worth in the weeks after I give birth.  Savory.

Personal hygiene aside, I also figured we could use a pack of newborn diapers, since most of our cloth supply start at a little bigger.  Of course, we went for the hippie, earth-friendly diapers.

When I got home and showed Jason my day’s purchases, he objected to the breast milk bags.  “They’re plastic,” he said.  “But we won’t use very many.  It’s just a little box in case we need them,” I explained, as though I hadn’t had thoughts of evil BPA and plastic-bag-island-in-the-ocean as I contemplated milk storage options at Target.  “But you still throw them away,” he said.

Well, it’s true.  I’ve been on an anti-plastic kick for a year now, so maybe I should see this rejection of plastic milk bags as progress.

Besides which, I was having my own environmental crisis.  Having bought natural, unbleached, plastic- and chlorine-free diapers without even thinking about it, I couldn’t help seeing them juxtaposed with my store-brand bleached and chlorinated plastic maxi pads once I got home from the store.


So back to Target I went the next day, to return two bulk packages of feminine hygiene products and a box of breast milk storage bags.

The return went smoothly enough.

Why was I returning the items?

“Because I’m married to an ecologist.”

* * *

And for all you perverts who found this post because of the tags “nipples,” “panties,” and “breasts”: it’s just kind of funny that you ended up reading about diapers and feminine hygiene products.  And you are the reason Jason started saving for a shotgun the second he knew he was having a daughter.




9 responses

3 08 2011

I’m telling you . . . Depends were my best friend for a few days after I gave birth. So comfortable and you don’t have to worry about leaks . . . I threatened to Travis that I was just going to stay in them until I’m 90. Why transition back to regular underwear?

3 08 2011

Good to know – I kept reading about “disposable underwear” as a post-baby must-have. Intrigued, I googled it, only discover they meant Depends. I guess I’d better get a box…

3 08 2011

what do you mean Jason is saving for a shotgun. he doesn’t have enough weaponry as it is?

3 08 2011

Ok, Travis, he may have seen it as a good excuse for another gun rather than a genuine concern for his unborn daughter, but I have to have my little fantasies…

3 08 2011

I am with Karen, as un earth friendly as it is, Depends is the way to go. No ruining panties, no shifting like a pad. It’s lovely. And honestly, I am still in the normal size pack I bought with Jaxon. (1 pack two births) so I don’t feel too horrible about it. And sleeping in them is much nicer, for you and the bed. 🙂

3 08 2011

Agreed. I figure that one pack of adult diapers in exchange for three years of cloth baby diapers is a good trade-off for the earth. . .

3 08 2011

I think that’s great you two are considering the environment. It becomes a greater challenge the less sleep you get:) Kara and I used the Medela, yes plastic, non-disposable bottles for storing breast milk and we’ve shared them through the cousin-tree. Has worked nicely. Though I’m sure for storing breast milk they might have… treated glass? or something like that so you can freeze it? Idk.

3 08 2011

My mom did find some glass freezable storage jars. They’re pricey, of course, so we’re going to hold off and see how much milk we actually need to have on hand.

3 08 2011

Did you check online? Seems like I saw some decently priced glass bottles on Amazon when I was planning my first business trip and looking for storage options. But lets face it, pumping sucks. If you don’t have to pump, why bother? I think you’ve got it right.

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