Just One Little Question…

12 09 2010

We had our first appointment at the birthing center.

As I was filling out a million pages of questions on my health history, I was also answering questions put to me by the midwife.  She was patient, but I knew her daughter was waiting to be breastfed out  in the lobby, and I was flustered in my rush.  I gestured as I responded to something she said, and the pen made a blue mark on the love seat where Jason and I were sitting.  A minute later, she stepped out.

“I made a mark on the couch,” I whispered to Jason.


“Right here.  Do you think she saw?”

“I don’t know.  Does it matter?”

“Yes!” I hissed.  “If she saw, I should say something.  Apologize or something, otherwise I’m just being rude.”

“Well, you could ask if they have anything to clean it with…”

“No!  I’m not going to clean their furniture!  And what if she didn’t see?  I don’t want to point it out if she didn’t see it.  Do you think you can see it from over there?”

The midwife came back in, and there was no more time to engage in paranoid conversation.  She sent me to the restroom with a pee cup.

I promptly peed all over my hand.

As I waddled around the bathroom with my pants around my ankles and my ass bare, trying to get paper towels to wipe down the cup so I could wash the pee off my hands so I could dress myself, I decided they were probably watching me from a remote location to determine if I could handle the responsibility of an infant.  I also decided that I had failed that particular test.

Leaving my cup behind, I returned to the midwife, and we wrapped up the appointment.  It had really just been a get-to-know-you, with medical history and insurance business taken care of.  When she asked me if I had any questions, I realized I had one rather major one:

“Weeelllll….” I hesitated.  “Are you sure I’m really pregnant?”




One response

12 09 2010

Minor technicality!!

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